I don't know for sure, because I can't read minds. But I've seen a lot of negative emotions. [ Comes with the territory, when you hunt curses. ] And...I think a lot of people mistake other things for hate. Anger, frustration. Things that don't last as long, or run as deep.
I've made that mistake myself, even. And then I learned the hard way that I wasn't feeling hate at all.
[ To be okay with that, he means. He's spent nearly two years running himself ragged over the possibility that Tsumiki might still think he meant it, when he said he hated her. He can't stand the thought of leaving things badly like that between them.
Not that he could do anything to change it, in the end. ]
Maybe not as many people, but that's okay. We don't all have to be Kalmiya. [ God knows he doesn't have it in him. ]
I don't think the number of people is what's most important. [ He wouldn't admit this to many people, but he also wasn't expecting this kind of vulnerability from Jinx, and if hearing it might help her... ]
I almost gave up, once. I wanted to give up. What brought me back was knowing that I'd be making the one person who was most important to me miserable.
I've... been there, too. I almost pulled the plug, but a boy stopped me. Then I tried again here, but I got talked out of it.
I guess I can't help but think about Cooper sometimes. Wrinkles was definitely more likeable around here than me; I know he had some acquaintances. He's been gone for a long while now, and... I feel like I'm the only one who remembers him, who thinks about him sometimes. I haven't seen anyone talk about him, and... sometimes I wonder if it'll be the same way with me.
That people say they care for me or miss me, but... not actually. I do have someone here who wants me dead, so it's nnnnoooot too far-fetched. I'll just be this thing people will move on and forget. It's weird because I want to be that. But then... the more I think about it, the sadder I get.
No, it's... it's okay. I don't know, sometimes it feels better to talk about this stuff with someone who isn't super close to me. Not that I don't want them to know what I'm feeling inside. It's just that...
[ gosh, how to word this? ]
Friends are going to say the friends stuff. And parents are going to say what parents are supposed to say. Not that it means any less, but... you expect them to say those things. They'll be pricks if they didn't.
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I've made that mistake myself, even. And then I learned the hard way that I wasn't feeling hate at all.
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...mostly my fault.
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Wooooooah! You just blew my mind. Big or little?
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(Because you don't tell people things, Megumi.) ]
Older than me, just by a year.
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[ which seems as though that's all she will say until: ]
I have a big sister, too. Four years older than me.
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[ To be okay with that, he means. He's spent nearly two years running himself ragged over the possibility that Tsumiki might still think he meant it, when he said he hated her. He can't stand the thought of leaving things badly like that between them.
Not that he could do anything to change it, in the end. ]
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[ can confirm, have lived in deep-ass denial. ]
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I mean, I'm no Kalmiya who is everyone's best friend or lover. She gets a scraped knee, and I know the whole town will riot.
I just think, I dunno, if I'm lying dead in a gutter somewhere, it'd be weeks until anyone says something.
cw: suicidal ideation
Maybe not as many people, but that's okay. We don't all have to be Kalmiya. [ God knows he doesn't have it in him. ]
I don't think the number of people is what's most important. [ He wouldn't admit this to many people, but he also wasn't expecting this kind of vulnerability from Jinx, and if hearing it might help her... ]
I almost gave up, once. I wanted to give up. What brought me back was knowing that I'd be making the one person who was most important to me miserable.
cw: suicidal ideation
I guess I can't help but think about Cooper sometimes. Wrinkles was definitely more likeable around here than me; I know he had some acquaintances. He's been gone for a long while now, and... I feel like I'm the only one who remembers him, who thinks about him sometimes. I haven't seen anyone talk about him, and... sometimes I wonder if it'll be the same way with me.
That people say they care for me or miss me, but... not actually. I do have someone here who wants me dead, so it's nnnnoooot too far-fetched. I'll just be this thing people will move on and forget. It's weird because I want to be that. But then... the more I think about it, the sadder I get.
cw: suicidal ideation
[ He's quite guilty of that one himself, after all. ]
...but I think I get what you mean. And I wish I had something better to tell you than "it's a lot and I haven't figured it out either."
cw: suicidal ideation
[ gosh, how to word this? ]
Friends are going to say the friends stuff. And parents are going to say what parents are supposed to say. Not that it means any less, but... you expect them to say those things. They'll be pricks if they didn't.
cw: suicidal ideation
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