Maybe not as many people, but that's okay. We don't all have to be Kalmiya. [ God knows he doesn't have it in him. ]
I don't think the number of people is what's most important. [ He wouldn't admit this to many people, but he also wasn't expecting this kind of vulnerability from Jinx, and if hearing it might help her... ]
I almost gave up, once. I wanted to give up. What brought me back was knowing that I'd be making the one person who was most important to me miserable.
I've... been there, too. I almost pulled the plug, but a boy stopped me. Then I tried again here, but I got talked out of it.
I guess I can't help but think about Cooper sometimes. Wrinkles was definitely more likeable around here than me; I know he had some acquaintances. He's been gone for a long while now, and... I feel like I'm the only one who remembers him, who thinks about him sometimes. I haven't seen anyone talk about him, and... sometimes I wonder if it'll be the same way with me.
That people say they care for me or miss me, but... not actually. I do have someone here who wants me dead, so it's nnnnoooot too far-fetched. I'll just be this thing people will move on and forget. It's weird because I want to be that. But then... the more I think about it, the sadder I get.
No, it's... it's okay. I don't know, sometimes it feels better to talk about this stuff with someone who isn't super close to me. Not that I don't want them to know what I'm feeling inside. It's just that...
[ gosh, how to word this? ]
Friends are going to say the friends stuff. And parents are going to say what parents are supposed to say. Not that it means any less, but... you expect them to say those things. They'll be pricks if they didn't.
If this gets out and you let people know I have feelings, I will break into your room while you're asleep and show you just how suffocating my emotions can get.
[ And not for fear of retribution, even; he's a private person. He's not going to do something to someone else that he would absolutely fucking hate to have done to him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I mean, I'm no Kalmiya who is everyone's best friend or lover. She gets a scraped knee, and I know the whole town will riot.
I just think, I dunno, if I'm lying dead in a gutter somewhere, it'd be weeks until anyone says something.
cw: suicidal ideation
Maybe not as many people, but that's okay. We don't all have to be Kalmiya. [ God knows he doesn't have it in him. ]
I don't think the number of people is what's most important. [ He wouldn't admit this to many people, but he also wasn't expecting this kind of vulnerability from Jinx, and if hearing it might help her... ]
I almost gave up, once. I wanted to give up. What brought me back was knowing that I'd be making the one person who was most important to me miserable.
cw: suicidal ideation
I guess I can't help but think about Cooper sometimes. Wrinkles was definitely more likeable around here than me; I know he had some acquaintances. He's been gone for a long while now, and... I feel like I'm the only one who remembers him, who thinks about him sometimes. I haven't seen anyone talk about him, and... sometimes I wonder if it'll be the same way with me.
That people say they care for me or miss me, but... not actually. I do have someone here who wants me dead, so it's nnnnoooot too far-fetched. I'll just be this thing people will move on and forget. It's weird because I want to be that. But then... the more I think about it, the sadder I get.
cw: suicidal ideation
[ He's quite guilty of that one himself, after all. ]
...but I think I get what you mean. And I wish I had something better to tell you than "it's a lot and I haven't figured it out either."
cw: suicidal ideation
[ gosh, how to word this? ]
Friends are going to say the friends stuff. And parents are going to say what parents are supposed to say. Not that it means any less, but... you expect them to say those things. They'll be pricks if they didn't.
cw: suicidal ideation
Distance...helps.
1/2
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I'm not going to say anything.
[ And not for fear of retribution, even; he's a private person. He's not going to do something to someone else that he would absolutely fucking hate to have done to him. ]
🎀
🎀
[ pls no explosions ]
Later.